What to look for and expect when looking for counseling

If you’ve ever been to any kind of doctor or specialist, sometimes you think, “They have no clue what’s going on with me…” OR even worse, YOU have no clue that they have NO CLUE. You kind of know the routine with a family physician- tests they run, questions they ask, they weigh you, blood pressure, yadayada… Not everyone has been to or will go to see a therapist, but if you do wouldn’t it be nice to know that they are not just telling you a bunch of crap? Imagine going to see a therapist because you argue about getting dishes done (could be a complaint… LOL) and you are told, “Well, one of you might have ADHD making it difficult to focus on so many demands.” Oh crap, what now? “So you mean we need meds?” LOL… Do yourself a favor and see what effective therapy for couples looks like by reading this article posted below… I care too much!



Responsibility and Risk: guns, driving, drinking, parenting…

Hearing so much about gun control, as we all are. I am passionate about mental health which leads my thoughts to responsible behavior and understanding risk involved in all the things, we as people, enjoy doing. Without a doubt, in my mind, only people healthy enough and capable enough should own guns. Whichever way it is that our government decides for that to come to fruition, it is ultimately for the betterment of our society and to prevent future tragedies, shootings, massacres, etc.

This whole risk/responsibility thing brought me to thinking about all the things that deserve a high amount of responsibility, mental awareness, and health. Well, here are 3 (some stats included):

1. Driving- we need a license, written tests, registered vehicles, insurance

Risks: possibly injuring or killing someone while driving.

(2,217,000 injured by motor accidents in 2009- 33,808 dead occupants, 4,872 dead pedestrians, bike riders from motor accidents in 2009)

2. Drinking- we must be a certain age. That’s about it… Even that has loopholes AKA high school and college parties. You know…

Risks: In excess, drinking can lead to illness and death- immediate or eventual.

(2.5 million people die each year from alcohol-related causes. More than AIDS and TB)

3. Parenting- no pre-requisite or restricitions. Easy as just having sex, sometimes.

Risks: pregnancy can be risky to mother and fetus depending on health and pretty much you are responsible for another human life. Hey, kind of like those other things above…

(1,560 children died from child abuse and neglect in 2010)

Ok, so I say this to point out deaths that occur due to irresponsible behavior. Well, the saddest to me is those involving innocent children. Honestly, this all pointed to procreation for me.

Why is it that any old body can have kids even if they are unfit? Now don’t get me wrong, I am not into politics and regulating everything but how do you reach billions of people in the world who can at any point become parents and be potentially terrible parents?? Suggestions? Thoughts? I don’t have answers but I wonder what might be a reasonable solution.

It upsets me everyday to see mothers that have baby after baby with no support, no education, no job AND ARE STRESSED OUT AND OVERWHELMED by the demands of caring for even one let alone 8 kids. Sheesh!! Murderers can have children, drug addicts can have children, child molesters have children.

Look this is what I do everyday- just hope to make one family at a time a little bit more stable, educated, and loving. It still makes me wonder, though. “Why is it okay for you to keep having kids?”

I won’t rant today. Just some food for thought and I rest my case that everything in life requires responsible behavior and understanding of risk.

#guncontrol #drinkinganddriving #birthcontrol #driverseducation

#Mental #health not #guns #newtown

Embedded in America

Let’s face it, an armed society is going to have shootings. Any quick internet search will turn up shootings in every country in which guns are present. This is simply fact. At the same time, there are armed countries – like Canada – where shootings are rare. Canadians are armed, no doubt, it’s just they don’t use their arms on their neighbors or their schools or family members. At least, not like us Americans do. The Swiss are armed too – literally millions of Swiss men have – get this – fully automatic weapons in their homes. In fact, nearly every Swiss man does. Same’s true of a few other northern European countries.

With notable exceptions, these countries experience few shootings.

So what is it about Americans and America that ends up with armed (legal or otherwise) citizens shooting each other?

There’s two questions posed in the title: Gun Control…

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Earning that Commendation… from your Children

Of course, you ARE the parent!  You don’t need your children to recognize YOU. You know what you do for them everyday 24/7/365. What a thankless job this is sometimes- being a parent that is.

After I watched an episode of Master Chef, I began thinking about my role as a mother/ parent and other parents. How does that equate, right? So, in this particular episode, the chefs were being asked who they might dedicate their first cookbook to and all tearfully said their mothers/ fathers (mostly mothers, though since we do most of the cooking) 🙂 I thought to myself, “What have I done to earn that immense respect and “commendation”?” Hmmm…

For the most part, children love their parents unconditionally. Even when they sling the occasional “I HATE YOU!!” or “YOU RUINED MY LIFE!!” or “YOU ARE THE WORST MOM/ DAD EVERRRR!!!”, noone, noone will ever replace your meaning in their lives and in their heart. Does this mean that we just do the bare minimum? What will be the most memorable thing your child learns from you? What are the values, traditions, and quirks that will forever ring in their graduation speech, their first book dedication, their first job interview??

I am not a rich mom so she won’t remember that I bought her a new car. Although, if I work really hard and she earns it who knows…

Don’t hold your breath girl. I’m still working on my own. LOL… 

I do not hold any sense of privilege or entitlement. I do not feel I am better than anyone. I do strive to be open-minded, fair, and understanding of all views. My own personal views on parenting and values that feed my drive to a be a great mother come from a variety of places and perhaps your list is similar:

1. My childhood experiences with my parents and family

2. My adult experiences with my parents and family

3. My education and background in psychology

4. My own work with families from various backgrounds

5. My friends and their many opinions and parenting styles

6. A personal desire for my child(ren) to be successful and happy in whatever they do

6. Internet searches (you’re here aren’t you?) =)

I want my daughter to see me working hard everyday.

I want her to know that I Love playing with her and running around like a lunatic.

I want her to know that I always want the best for her and that I show her through my actions ALONG with my words. (Hey, Actions speak LOUDER than words but together… Now that’s sending a message!)

I want her to know that I think education is important and that there is no excuse to not get one and not go to school. UNACCEPTABLE!! I don’t care if you’re tired… Go to bed earlier.

I want her to know that I always have high expectations for her in whatever she does.

I want her to know that sometimes I will be disappointed in her actions and that she just needs to get back up and do it better next time.

I want her to know that sometimes she will be right and I will be sooo WRONG.

I want her to know that I can think about my own actions and I can say sorry, too.

What will your kids remember about you when it’s their turn for success?

Don’t just lay back and hope they figure it out. Be a great role-model, friend, business person, parent… Your kids will always love you but they will gain much more from what you DO!







I am so super happy you are here… and I’m just doing it!! Life is filled with all kinds of experiences, especially involving people- those you know and the many you don’t. I know I always have tons of questions and thoughts about other people’s experiences and if they match my own. I’m sure we have something in common that we have thought or felt. If you are here, it’s time to get those things off the backburner and to the forefront.

I am a parent, a partner(wife), a lover, a fighter, a woman, a student, a therapist, a friend,  a resource, a support, someone’s child, a piece of a puzzle… If you can relate to any of these… Or if you don’t, please join us in commenting and helping us all find our place. Enjoy and have a good time! I will always respond to any comments. Make it good!

Talking SEX with kids (updated)

So, 10 year olds are having sex!! That’s not news. Is anyone really surprised? If you are saying not my kids, well think again. Are you a parent? Are you talking to your children about sex? How early should you start this talk? The answer to that is, earlier than you think. Children are sexual. Now, don’t take that the wrong way like child porn or pedophilia but children like to be held and love affection. They are curious about their own parts. Eventually they are curious about your body and other kids’ bodies. “Hey mom? Where do babies come from?” “Dad? Why does mommy have different private parts?” You should be talking to your children about this when they are still in diapers. If you don’t take the reins early and establish that open line of talk that ultimately leads to “self-care down there”, guess who will? Your child and their friends. YIKES!! What a mound of misinformation and peer pressure that can be! I know you have heard the saying “Knowledge is power”. TRUTH!! The more children know or the more they feel that they can come to you for accurate information rather, the better chance you give them of making smart choices and informed decisions. You choose… Do you talk about it? Or damn your child to hell for thinking nasty thoughts or even wanting to know what sex is? Hormones are REAL! Breasts and vaginas and penises are REAL! They are not dirty but do require care and “expert” guidance. Do you deny it? This can be completely uncomfortable for some parents to discuss BUT open communication with your children is so vital. Forget the ease of texting or writing a note. Sit down face to face and have the tough discussions. Who are you going to let the “expert” in your child’s life be? Peers? Internet? What are some ways you talk to your kids about sex and their “private parts” and for those of you with teens… safe sex, abstinence, pregnancy, STD’s, abortion, right to choose or valuing pro-life?

Please comment if you don’t know what you should do or how to approach it. We would love to help with some suggestions.